I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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