just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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