Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
