I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
God I need to hump something, right now.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
