my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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