I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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