he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize