you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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