I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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