I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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