I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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