I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
