I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
