Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
