Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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