At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
