Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize