when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
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