i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
