i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
