I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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