So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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