I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
of course. lets lasso hookers.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
