Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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