...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
