Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
