Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Actions speak louder than pants.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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