You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
