I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
