i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
