every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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