no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I miss vodka workout Fridays
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
