Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
