my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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