i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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