$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
