Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
