you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
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