he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
