Swine flu. Run for my life!
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
