Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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