I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
