Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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