I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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