Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
