moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
