I'm eating all of the evidence.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
