So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
We are two peas in an std pod
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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