im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm sobbing to NWA
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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