The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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