i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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