The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
