btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
