I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
