maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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