did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
