I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
