Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
